Saturday, October 31, 2009

5 things the Crap Blog Detective hates:

1. Arts & Crafts; no one cares about your dreadful attempts at art consisting of sticking a load of rubbish items on a singular larger piece of rubbish. Special Needs children do this every day and are better.

2. Photographs of children; you might be proud of what you have produced but really no one is interested in your offspring. Most bloggers children are ugly by default.

3. Amateur-fiction; to all you budding writers you are not published for a reason. Stop it!

4. Army-wives; whilst I understand why your husband wants to spend months away from you, your life remains empty.

5. Blog-awards; crap bloggers sticking feathers up each others arses is just tragic.

38 comments:

  1. What a very sad person you are!

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  3. I think most of us have empty lives really xxx

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  4. Where are your ads? This is an ingenious way to drive traffic to your site. You probably got more views this week than I get all year. My favorite part is how everyone who has been labeled 'crap' - instead of just deleting your comment & pretending it never happened - comes here & leaves a permanent record 'I was labeled crap by the crap detective'. That is so CLASSIC.

    Oh, you don't have to bother to come tell me I'm crap. I've already had this pointed out to me by a lady who likes to pretend she is four or five different ladies & have conversations with herself. Darn those all-seeing IP address tracking thingies!

    I promise, though, not to take any more pictures of my rehab macaroni art. You're so right. I don't think anyone likes them except for my junkie boyfriend. I can't show him any more, though, because he ate the last one.

    (Arse feathers. LOL)

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  5. Brilliant! I love the concept, but some people don't seem to 'get it', do they? I'm sorely tempted to give you one of my "Blog of Distinction" Awards just to see what you'll do with it! Not sure you've earned it yet, though - he he he!

    PS I have a sneaky suspicion that this blog and accompanying comments will turn into a book that people buy at Christmas for family and friends who blog! A kind of "Henry Root Letters" for a modern age. Am I right?

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  6. Absolutely bloody marvelous. Well done, and I totally agree, 100%. Truth hurts. People will get offended, but that's OK.

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  7. I think Working mum is SPOT ON....and you will now be followed..isn't this called subliminal marketing, nah well something like that...

    I'll send suldog over and see what he has to say...hope your ears arent too sensitive...

    See you at the bookstalls. yes you'll be there first of course!!!

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  9. I actually agree on all five, but I think telling people their blog sucks is mean. I just think it and write a sweet comment instead.
    Can you add pictures of table settings to this list? I mean, I might be tempted to do that when I do something awesome, but I DON'T. And please feel free to tell my my blog is crap. I think I'm funny, and that's enough for me.

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  10. first of all it's not a random dead person. That is her favorite actress and someone she looks up to. Secondly you have 5 followers and versus your one incompotent comment I have several. Thirdly...you are not a crap blog detective. Please get a real life maybe a real job would help too. Blogs help people express themselves. I hope you don't think you've accomplished anything by your poor judgment. out of 200 people you are the first to say something bad about my thoughts...that I don't draft. Get a life.

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  11. I left some love for you in the form of a reply to your comment on my blog. you're welcome, asshole

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  12. wow, i'd really appreciate it if you'd leave me and my blog alone. perhaps once you get maybe a quarter of the followers i have, i'll consider taking what you say into consideration. until then, i find you very pathetic, and sad. and many more people seem to enjoy my blog than yours. so i don't understand what you're trying to accomplish, but i'm sorry to inform you that you're not accomplishing anything by what you're doing other than getting people hurt, and angry by what you're saying. and i'm sorry you have nothing more worthwhile or useful to blog about, then meaningless, unimportant, mean things. try a little creativity, i mean honestly. it's sad, truly truly sad.

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  13. Looks like you're off to a great start already, you don't need me. But I'll do my best not to disappoint you, Mr. Detective.

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  14. Saz sent me. I think I'm supposed to say something obscene, but instead I think I've found a kindred spirit. Feathers up the arse, indeed.

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  15. LOL your so funny! You must not have much to do but to pick on other people's blogs. But I am glad you picked on mine because you are pointing me to other artists and photographers I would not have time to find. Oh yes and the blogs I have checked out that you said where "Crap" have absolutely beautiful art work and photography! Keep it up you bloggers who have been picked on by this guy who don’t know art when he sees it.

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  16. Haha. I get it. I realize that a lot of people don't get it but oh well.

    I'm sure my blog is crap and you are welcome to tell me so.

    The only thing I don't agree with is the Army Wife thing. I was once and now am a part-time Army Reserves wife. He was tired of being away from me so that's why he got out. Not all Army wives are that as big of a pain as you are making them out to be.

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  18. Awesome blog. I give it 3 stars * * *
    (out of 10.)

    Also, a suggestion for #6 on your list of do's & don'ts. Don't wear funny looking hats in your blog photo unless you want to be mistaken for a comedian.

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  22. My Dear Chap
    It appears you have some American fans, who like most of their kindred, take themselves far too seriously, one wonders at their simple minds, with no history of their own. Still, as you have never visited me, one will not lower myself to their level, remember that during most of their wars, they end up killing more friends than foe

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  23. We've got a good one for you to criticize today about St. Germain. The channelled writing is so obscure and convoluted that one of our regulars suggested we take it down or risk losing followers. It's right up your alley, chief!
    www.ofscarabs.blogspot.com

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  24. Sounds like someone needs some attention...So here is a hug from a proud lover of all things handmade!

    Thanks for visiting my blog handmadecraftshow.blogspot.com and feel free to stop by our virtual craft show handmadecraftshow.com!

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  25. Hilarious!! I got your comment on my blog about the trannie umbrella (I didn't post it 'cause it was kind of gross. Sorry.) and while it is just a little sad that your whole objective is kind of negative, it totally appeals to my sense of humor! So funny! !And I agree with you, most blogs are completely worthless. (Including my own) But after all, they're just blogs!

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  26. Hey! This is a novel and humorous idea. I stumbled across your blog when I was reading another blog recently.

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  27. Hey there Blog detective, you're a dick! You need to get out more and live your own life instead of trying to sadly critique the lives of others.

    And I have no qualms whatsoever about deleting your snarky, shitty comments from my blog, so don't waste your time.

    I hope you can start getting some dates and not have so much pent up anger towards sick pregnant ladies.

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  28. Ahem.

    Oh poor and lonely army wives
    How sad that you must live your lives
    Without the humble pleasure of blogging
    As a substitute for hubby-snogging.

    More tragic still, you cannot post
    Photos of those children you love the most
    Or even make your blog a global part-work
    On how to do nice macaroni art-work.

    Saddest of all, you are denied
    To tell us how you feel inside
    In most creative verse or prose
    Because it gets up the Blog Tec's nose.

    Can I have my award now, please?

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  29. So what should one blog about? If not about things that actually interest them?

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  30. People like you make me glad I moderate the comments on my blog before posting them. You're like the drunk who crashes someone else's party and then criticizes the decor.

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  31. Heh, this is hilarious! Cheers for the humour. Back to my blog...

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  32. No doubt an army is being assembled. Grab a rifle soldier!

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  33. LMAO I love it, You speak the truth!

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