Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Your Blog Still Sucks

I pity you, you pointless bloggers. Your blogs are a confused vomiting of thoughts that are so worthless, so extremely boring and so nauseatingly monotonous that it should be made law that if you have nothing interesting to blog about, then do not blog at all. Please close down your 486, leave the basement, and find something interesting to share, rather than typing about the most meaningless and trivial things.

Worse still, there are people who sift through the regurgitated nonsense and add their own opinion in the form of comments. What qualifies them to add an opinion on someone's pathetic life? The reason they blog about their pointless and meaningless life is that no-one within breathing distance gives a toss about them. Yet by commenting on this undiluted filth people give them the oxygen of encouragement to continue. Furthermore, they are most probably completely unqualified to comment about any subject other than counting the number of fingers they possess on one hand.

Since my absence, I had hoped to see an improvement in the blogging world. I had hoped my carefully crafted reasoned and compassionate advice would have done marvels and raised the bar for blogging excellence. Instead I find that the reverse has happened. Without my support, the socially-unaware misfortunates have fallen back into their old sorry ways.

Humorously, there a number of comments on my previous posts from servile self-seeking sycophants advertising the warblings of a bipolar banshee. These hopeless cries for my attention will merely be laughed at.

Time to get to work….

48 comments:

  1. It was so hard to know if I should just ignore you or comment. First off you didn't hurt my feelings, second I don't blog for you so you need not stop by again, thirdly don't look if my looks offend you. Fouthly, I'd be careful who you pick on if I were you, just one day it could come back and bite you in the butt.
    Now take care and have a blessed afternoon.

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  2. I also forgot to say thank you for your encouragment on my weight loss. THANK YOU so much!!
    Do take care and God Bless!

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  3. i can't decide what's funnier. the fact you think i might care what you think, or the fact that someone's pathetic enough to start a blog like this... pathetic really.

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  4. I have to echo what the other's said. Who cares what you think? If you dont like our blogs, dont go on them! I never asked your opinion, and I work hard to make the things that I create. You don't want a "low priced gift" I wouldnt give you the time of day!
    Why not get your own life, and leave others alone in theirs!

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  5. I am so excited that you chose me to leave a comment on!! I feel like a blog celebrity!! You can stop by anytime!! And bring your 29 followers with you!! The more the merrier I say!!

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  6. You are truly newsphere.Love your work.

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  7. Wow, this is a joke, and everything you say, is really a sad comment about yourself, and your own pathetic, trivial internet existence. I pity you, and I pity myslef for even bothering with you, but i suppose I'm doing it in some naive attempt to change you, to have you wake up and realize that if you only skim the surface of everything, this is all you'll find: crap, pointless, and contrived garbage. look deeper, get a college education, and seek therapy. I'm so sorry, your life is such crap.

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  8. My blog is genuinely crap. Feel free to slag it off.

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  10. What's your purpose in life? To make a BLOG then go say how stupid BLOGS are?? If you hate them so much why did you make one, and why do you spend your time LOOKING AT BLOGS. If you're jealous, just say it. BASICALLY what I'm saying is: GO GET A FRICKIN LIFE

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  11. ...aaaand, none of us care what you think. Oh wow, one little tiny person doesn't like my blog. WHO CARES!?!

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  13. My Mom always told me, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." So... I like your hat.

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  14. ha ha ha ha ha h ha ha ha ha ha h ah ah hahah hah ha hah ha ha hah ha hah hah hhhha aaaa hhhha aaaa h ah ahh a hha h aaa hha aah h h a hhh aha ha

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  15. Did you pluck the legs off spiders when you were a child? Just wondered..........

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  16. Someone named Crap Blog Detective left a message on my blog -- was that you? I am an avatar in Second Life. Will you please insult my blog anyway if that was not you?

    Thanks!

    www.eddihaskell.com

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  17. LOL that was you! Will you please leave a comment on my dog's blog? He was badged by the Sarah Palin campaign before he got ejected for being an avatar dog.

    http://avatardog.blogspot.com/

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  18. Oh you are one of those scardy cats hiding aren't you lol!
    Love the concept!

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  19. Oh, I do believe I'm in love. Hold me.

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  20. Humorously, there are a number of posts on this blog from servile self-seeking sycophant advertising the warblings of a bipolar banshee. This hopeless cry for my attention will merely be laughed at.

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  21. Thank you for the carefully crafted and thought-through comment on my blog the other day.

    Love you too xxx

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  22. CBD, how lovely to see you again!

    Yes, I agree with every word. My own posts are a very good example. Like quicksand I seep into a sea of mundane and tedious ramblings.

    Friend of mine says bloggers are very sad people with no friends. How right he is!

    Bless you for putting my fears and thoughts into words.

    Your humble servant, JS

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  23. A very satisfying blog.
    Interesting how the most boring bloggers actually have sensitive feelings. Where was that sensitivity when they were writing?

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  24. First things first. You are an incredible person. I mean really. I find it utterly astounding that one single person can at once be a horrible douche and a reasonably, okay I'm sorry I cannot lie. You are not a reasonably good writer. If my eyes could scream they would, for having read what you write is a worse fate than anything any furious religious icon could dream up. I am ashamed for all writers everywhere just knowing that the same language used by so many masters has been diminished to the pathetic rantings of some little nobody with internet access. Its almost tragic.
    Now, as for why I'm reading this waist of a web-address at all, a while ago you insulted one of the few truly talented online bloggers. Her name is Allie, and her blog is Hyperbole and a Half.
    Unlike you, she has real talent as a writer and a comedian. While you remain at the bottom, some pathetic little scavenger who feeds off the misery of others rather than facing up to the sad truth that your life has no purpose and those you criticize are merely better writers than you, she actually makes people smile. She makes them laugh, and giggle, and sympathize with her. The most you can accomplish is a smirk. She forms bounds with her readers, she has interesting stories, and when she doesn't she makes them interesting. All you do is criticize. Allie creates.

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  25. You are a moron plain and simple.

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  26. Wait. You say blogs suck. And you have a blog that rants about how sucky blogs are.

    I'm confused. I'm gonna go listen to rock.

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  27. "Yet by commenting on this undiluted filth people give them the oxygen of encouragement to continue."

    I totally agree. Folks, don't bother commenting on this blog again...

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  28. You are such a hypocrite. How dare you derail the comment section of other people's blogs after previously posting that everyone has the right to reply? And then call most bloggers lonely basement-dwellers, when my favorite blogger (Allie Brosh, Hyperbole and a Half, you may know her) and most other bloggers write about things that happen to them in real life and you write about other people's blogs! Which requires nothing but endless hours of sitting on your couch (probably located in your mother's basement) surfing the internet and reading blogs. If you don't like them so much, DON'T READ THEM!! Also, don't end your sentences with prepositions.

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  29. [1] There is actually no link provided between your pity and your damnation. Perhaps you should supply a common cause to link them, or try "contemn" or something similar.

    [2] misfortunate =/= noun, old sorry =/= idiom; idiom = "sorry old NOUN" conflated with idiom "gone back to [his] old ways"

    [3] servile = obsequious, slavish: assuming they have been sent ex-officio from another blogger is a common mistake (albeit not an uncommon tactic); self-seeking = self-serving, and as such, would have little reason to be there on another's behalf; sycophants: possibly, but as sycophants ply their trade with flattery (and toadying, yes), I wouldn't say that people passing by to hurl return invective at you entirely fit that bill. Flunkies, toadies, lackeys, minions, &c., go ahead.
    Oh and no, your alliteration did not go unnoticed. I often find sibilants particularly effective in this context.

    [4] While wonderfully alliterate (and technically inaccurate), care must always be taken with mental illness. (When you become truly famous, a giant of an ego fed by the Moloch-inspired belief that any attention is good attention, you can be as vile and reviled as you like, apparently. For now, though, you'll have to put up with being both mortal and human, and play your hand accordingly.)

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  30. L'homme said, "It is a pity that you don't have a worthwhile blog that we can measure ours up to"

    and Sara said, "All you do is criticize. Allie creates."

    Assuming you have good intentions, you're not doing anyone any good by just criticizing them. You point out other people's mistakes but what you don't do is correct them. Don't tell someone they're not blogging correctly without telling them the right way to do it.

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  31. Since you seem to be a fan of unsolicited, rude, and inappropriate advice, I'm going to give you some too - go get laid.

    Happy Holidays. :)

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  32. "...aaaand, none of us care what you think. Oh wow, one little tiny person doesn't like my blog. WHO CARES!?!"

    ...Evidently you, if you're getting so worked up about it.

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  33. This is the worst satire I've ever read.

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  34. The fact that you're a sadist when it comes to something like blogs (especially the wonderfully creative ones) makes me wish I could drop a piano on you. That's all I have to say about you.
    As for blogs, they don't have to be riveting or have a pristine layout. They can be a simple online journal, no matter what your writing style is! Some of us like to document things that happen that we may otherwise forget. It's good to look back. I wonder how you'll feel when you look back, years from now, at all the people you offended.
    Have a wonderful day.

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  35. "Humorously, there a number of comments on my previous posts from servile self-seeking sycophants advertising the warblings of a bipolar banshee. These hopeless cries for my attention will merely be laughed at."

    Hiding behind a painstakingly constructed vocabulary will get you nowhere, my dear. It is simply laughable.

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  36. The cardinal sins of blogging are these:

    to start promisingly
    to give up before the year is through
    to make a new blog and promise to keep it
    to start promisingly
    to give up before...

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  37. I agree with Carly - which is why I would like you all to check out my blog - http://www.comicbookandmoviereviews.com/2011/08/detective-comics-881.html

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  38. Dear Crap Blog Detective, When I first read about your attitude towards the lovely Allie of Hyperbole and A Half, I was horrified and disgusted. I decided I was never going to even look at your blog. After about a year I decided that I was going to have to give in (if I were a cat I'd be long dead). Initially I was thinking, "who does this guy think he is?!?!" But now... I kind of get it. You are mildly amusing (I too am British and therefore unable to laugh lest my head explode. There's a "strange but true" for all the Americans!).

    Anyhoo, shame you aren't continuing in the sport. I would take over for you but it'd be terribly unoriginal.

    see ya!

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  39. You are not very clever are you?
    Criticize all you like asshole, but your ideas are third-rate and your writing fucking sucks.
    Luckily, I, like most people, will erase all memory of ever having visited this site.
    Have a nice life.

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  40. i have one thing to say, sir. that thing is f you. and you know why? it is because shut up. Shut up is why.

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  41. Everyone is worthwhile. Stop being a dick.

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  42. Or, an asshole, if you prefer. To each their own. Just fucking stop.

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